Nelle Tankus

WHO
THE QUEERDOS
REENA. She/they. Lives in SIDEWINDER/SWEETHEART’s apartment complex. A cook.
SIDEWINDER. They/them. REENA’s neighbor, SWEETHEART’s lover. A student.
SWEETHEART. She/her. REENA’s neighbor, SIDEWINDER’s lover. A bartender.

PLAZMACORE (PZC) STAFF/CORPORATE
STERNUM. Medical receptionist/support technician.
COLLARBONE. A nurse.
DEL. A phlebotomist.
DR. BEAUTIFUL. A nurse.

SETTING
A place that’s given up           it snows, it pours, the sun tries to murder you all in the same day.
Sometime in the near future, at the dawn of a new pandemic: swine flu aka “pig lung.”
Time has lost its tether to reality, as has place. But the story exists at some point during the fall of the American empire.
There are three comfortable chairs, each hooked up to a plasmapheresis machine. These chairs double as lawn chairs, examination chairs, and bar chairs.

DELIVERY
Italicized dialogue indicates the language speeds up to be spoken rapidfire.
A / in dialogue means the other character’s line starts here, an interruption.
( action inside brackets ) indicates wordless action.
( … ) indicates a rest, a beat.
( /// ) a rest, together   waiting for something to be different.
Gaps    in         speech             indicate           smaller intentional moments.

---

SCENE I

SWEETHEART
The

REENA
queerdos

SIDEWINDER
enter.

SWEETHEART
Waiting for the simulacrum to reveal itself.

( /// )
(DR. BEAUTIFUL enters.)

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Scene One: A place that’s given up. Dr. Beautiful, Reena, Sidewinder, and Sweetheart are there.

REENA
Reena, a cook.

SIDEWINDER
Sidewinder, a work study student.

SWEETHEART
Sweetheart, a bartender.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
And I’m Dr. Beautiful.           Thank you for your interest in donating plasma here with us at Plazmacore. With your help, we can provide life saving medical treatments to those who need it most. Plasma is the straw-colored liquid that makes up approximately 53% of your blood. We call this liquid gold – plasma collected from willing and healthy donors such as yourself will go towards creating therapies and every day life-saving medical therapies, and for use in acute medical trauma. Here’s how plasma collection works: after we ask some routine screening questions, if you are approved, you will be taken to our air-conditioned facility where you will be directed to your personal Plasma Collection Machine. We will insert a needle into your arm and begin the process of plasmapheresis: we will draw blood from you and filter it through the machine, where the centrifuge spins your blood at rapid rates in order to filter out the plasma. Your blood is then filtered back into your body over the course of forty-five minutes. After you have donated, you will be given a debit card with your deposit loaded onto it.      After you have donated, you will be given a debit card with your deposit loaded onto it. Here’s how plasma collection works: after we ask some routine screening questions, if you are approved, you will be taken to our air-conditioned facility where you will be directed to your personal Plasma Collection Machine. We will insert a needle into your arm and begin the process of plasmapheresis: we will draw blood from you and filter it through the machine, where the centrifuge spins your blood at rapid rates in order to filter out the plasma. Your blood is then filtered back into your body over the course of forty-five minutes. After you have donated, you will be given a debit card with your deposit loaded onto it. We recommend you eat a full and balanced breakfast before you arrive and hydrate regularly. Thank you again for choosing Plazmacore.

(DR. BEAUTIFUL exits quickly.)
(THE QUEERDOS move rapidfire.)
(BLARING HOUSE MUSIC             thud thud thud)
(Screaming men and children, bleating goats, frying meat patties)

REENA (shouting off)
Four green chile turkey burgers all day!

(SIDEWINDER spins their wheels, writing frantically)

SIDEWINDER
The implications of the H1N1 pandemic…
Bulbous           carrying          sick queers

(SWEETHEART’s pouring three drinks)

SWEETHEART
A gin and tonic?
A gin and water?
A what?

SCENE II

SIDEWINDER
Scene Two: Yesterday, at home.
Sidewinder and Sweetheart    sit in chairs on the walkway outside their apartments
which are next to each other   Supposed to be ninety-five degrees out.

SWEETHEART
Take off a layer or something.

SIDEWINDER
If you layer up, you sweat more
Sweat cools your body down.

SIDEWINDER
Did you           bring gatorade?

SWEETHEART
The purple kind and the blue kind.

SIDEWINDER
You’re                         good to me.

SWEETHEART
You’re talking like you forgot how to speak.
You must be tired.

SIDEWINDER
I need to          resubmit my comp exams.

SWEETHEART
You overexplained yourself.

SIDEWINDER
That’s what they told me.

SWEETHEART
Sometimes you need to say the thing instead of talking about the thing you need to say for five pages before saying it.

SIDEWINDER
They’ll tell me I didn’t explain enough, I didn’t extrapolate on the right terms.

SWEETHEART
Then you’ll have to write it again.
Find a happy medium, I believe in you.
You know what works for me?

SIDEWINDER
Please              womansplain regulation to me.

SWEETHEART
I sit at my desk. I have a bottle of the sweetest red wine I can find, two buck chuck or the one with the foot. I look at my notebook with my pen in my hand, and do fuckshit nothing.

SIDEWINDER
Which is why I’m in school               and you aren’t.

SWEETHEART
I want to get drunk with you soon
But not talk about school or work.

SIDEWINDER
As long as                   you’re buying.

SWEETHEART
We can go to my work.

SIDEWINDER
Why?

SWEETHEART
We both know where it is, we know who goes there, and we feel comfortable there.

SIDEWINDER
Speak for yourself.

REENA (off)
(Yawning but it’s also a scream)

(REENA enters, exhausted.)

REENA
Hi.

SIDEWINDER
You look like              the risen dead.

SWEETHEART
You donated too much this week.

REENA
Only once, but they have to stab me really deep, they told me they could get me anywhere there could be a vein, they got me right above the wrist.

SIDEWINDER
What’s the deal at the plaz today?

REENA
Donate three times in the first two weeks, you get a thirty dollar bonus, I’ve got two more, they said I need another day to rest before I donate again.

SWEETHEART
I’ve got melatonin – you can always borrow some if you need to crash extra.

REENA
Thanks, how much do they take out of you?

SWEETHEART
Depends on weight.

SIDEWINDER
They can take more plasma from you            if you weigh more.

REENA
I didn’t know that.

SIDEWINDER
Stock up on that          honey lemon fish you make so much.
They’ll want you full of iron.

REENA
I’ve been guzzling gatorade and water.

SIDEWINDER
Don’t hydrate too hard though
That’ll stress you out              make your blood retreat.

REENA
I’ve decided where I want to go.

SIDEWINDER
Tell us.

SWEETHEART
I bet you want somewhere with water, crab baby.

REENA (like it’s predictable)
Abiquiu Lake.

SWEETHEART
Cancer baby wants to swim.

SIDEWINDER
All jagged rocks stacked on top of each other           baking in the sun all day.

SWEETHEART
You want the ocean’s bite in a landlocked state.

REENA
There are outcroppings of rocks you can jump off.

SIDEWINDER
I want sand      Water where you can see the bottom.
Beach towels and sunblock.

REENA
So you don’t wanna go.

SIDEWINDER
I’ll go              But I’m gonna be cooling down in the car while the two of you frolic.
And I’m not getting obliterated by the environment.
And I want a vacation, not an obstacle course.

SCENE III

DEL
Scene Three. Del is outside their apartment. They drink water.

STERNUM
Sternum joins them. They also drink water.

DEL
I want to play a game. The game is called which anxiety keeps me from sleeping. Is it: pig lung, dehydration, or the days slowly getting warmer in the summer and colder in the winter.

STERNUM
It’s too cold.

(STERNUM puts on a winter coat.)

DEL
And the prize to be won is…

STERNUM
There’s no prize if the game is,

DEL
I want to worry about one thing at a time. Today it’s going to be pig lung. Tomorrow, I’ll figure something else out.

STERNUM
Your boyfriend’s been coughing a lot recently.

DEL
If it’s going to disturb my peace I don’t want it.

STERNUM
You said that you’re worrying about pig lung today. So you must only be anxious about your pig lung.

DEL
Fine. Yeah. He’s been coughing recently. Has a fever. He tested. I’ve been isolating from him. Thanks for the reminder.

STERNUM
Glad to know that. You could’ve given it to me.

DEL
What day is it?

STERNUM
Apology accepted.

SCENE IV

(COLLARBONE’s acting is intentionally flat.)

REENA
Scene Four, two days from now, at PZC, Reena is in the intake office.

COLLARBONE
Collarbone hasn’t yet started Reena’s intake.

REENA
I’m here for the special.

COLLARBONE
Why are you wearing that?

REENA
I’m here for the special.

COLLARBONE
You’re new here.

REENA
I’ve been here before. 

COLLARBONE
You’ve been here three times in the last couple weeks. You need to rest.

REENA
I waited seven days between my last donation and this one, that’s the recommended amount.

COLLARBONE
Yes, I suppose you’re right. But you look sick.

REENA
You haven’t even examined me.

COLLARBONE
We don’t do full examinations here. We do intakes, but that doesn’t count as a full examination. Come back next week.

REENA
The special is over next week.

COLLARBONE
Try next month. Get another job or something. Get some more sleep. Quit doing drugs late at night with all your friends, loser. I can see it in your soft eyes – you’re in pain. Soft eyes, deep veins. It’s your own fault – you need to eat healthier, get a good night’s sleep, work less. What do you do?

REENA
I’m a cook.

COLLARBONE
Try getting a job that doesn’t have food associated with it. One of those tech jobs maybe. They don’t need any experience – you go there and hit some buttons and make a good wage. How long are you at the grill?

REENA
A few hours at a time.

COLLARBONE
You have to take hydration breaks.

REENA
I do every few hours.

COLLARBONE
You need to hydrate every hour. You could be too hydrated. You should get a job that requires you to hydrate every hour. You need to take care of yourself.

REENA
There’s probably another plasma place I could go who would listen to me.

COLLARBONE
They’ll tell you the same things I’m telling you.

SCENE IV, AGAIN

(COLLARBONE’s acting is overly attentive; cloying.)

REENA
Scene four, again.

COLLARBONE
Collarbone hasn’t yet started / Reena’s intake.

REENA
I’m here for the special.

COLLARBONE
You’re new here.

REENA
I’ve been here before. 

COLLARBONE
Oh.      And you took a seven day break between the week where you donated twice.

REENA
Yes.

COLLARBONE
Then we can get your donation ready right away.

REENA
Thank you.

COLLARBONE
You’re looking a little ill today. Did you sleep?

REENA
Yes.

COLLARBONE
How long?

REENA
Six or seven hours.

COLLARBONE
You should be getting at least eight.

REENA
Not always possible with my job.

COLLARBONE
Of course. That makes sense. Do you have more than one?

REENA
Not now.

COLLARBONE
See, you’re lucky, at least you only have one place to worry about bearing down on you.

REENA
Yeah.

COLLARBONE
Do you live in a calm environment? Let me rephrase that. Is your living situation adequate?

REENA
Sometimes I hear my neighbors banging at three in the morning but it’s not bad, there used to be a couple, a different one, that lived next to me and would scream at each other and throw bottles at each other, but honestly it’s not bad, we’re all close, so I can tell them to stop and they will.

COLLARBONE
Good. You deserve rest.

REENA
Thank you.

COLLARBONE
The last time you tried to donate, your veins were very deep and you appeared to be very uncomfortable. We usually have a policy where if you get stuck, you get paid. But we can’t do that every time you come in. Obesity is a leading cause of deep veins. Have you considered losing a few pounds and then returning to donate?

REENA
My veins have always been deep, I don’t know why.

COLLARBONE
Tell me more.

REENA
That’s it.

COLLARBONE
I want to hear it again.

REENA
There’s no other reason, you want me to say there’s a reason why my veins are deep, that it’s about my bad health or that there’s something wrong with me, somehow it’s my fault, or my family’s, they’re just deep.

COLLARBONE
You’re sure you don’t have TRAUMA.

(EVERYTHING IS TRAUMATIZED          PAIN PAIN PAIN SCREAMING, CRYING, BLEEDING HELL)
(FIRE FIRE FIRE                   darkness)

SCENE IV, A THIRD TIME

(COLLARBONE says all of their dialogue out towards the audience. Their acting veers into the opposite direction as the previous scene: aggro California surfer bro.)

REENA
Scene four, a third time.

COLLARBONE
Collarbone hasn’t yet / started Reena’s intake.

REENA
I’m here for the special.

COLLARBONE
You’re new here.

REENA
I’ve been here before. 

COLLARBONE
Woah. Gnar gnar, dude.

REENA
I’m here for the special.

COLLARBONE
Fish & chips is on Saturdays only, my guy.

REENA
The Plazmacore special.

COLLARBONE
That only happens once a month.

REENA
When I was in line the whiteboard said if you donated three times in a week, the first week of the month, you would get a thirty dollar bonus.

COLLARBONE
Everyone is entitled to a blowy every now and again I suppose.

REENA
Tell me more about that.

COLLARBONE
It’s not within my assigned duties. Might I be able to interest you in a dab of hand sanitizer?

REENA
Yes, thank you.

(COLLARBONE offers REENA a small bottle of orange juice.)
(REENA takes it from them.)

REENA
I love orange juice, thank you.

COLLARBONE
The special requires that you stock up on your blood metallics. Your iodine. Your iron levels.

REENA
Tell me about your eating habits.

COLLARBONE
Ass. All I eat is ass. Every day more ass.

REENA
You’re healthy then, it’s important to have a balanced breakfast, are you satisfied?

COLLARBONE
Satisfaction is subjective and matters as much as happiness: it is relative, and based upon the status quo.

REENA
What time are you off work today?

COLLARBONE
Whether time is relevant or not is inconsequential – the only constant is the crushing anxiety brought on by the slow collapse of the American Empire.

REENA
How do you feel about pig lung?

COLLARBONE
It doesn’t matter what I feel about it, but I try to be kosher.

REENA
If I come back tomorrow, will it be the same?

COLLARBONE
Any way you swing it the shit kicks you the same duder. The minute differences in my personality are solely for you to deal with the fact that no matter what you do: you can never make enough money. Bloody revolution is the only way forward.

SCENE V

(COLLARBONE drops the accent.)

COLLARBONE (cont’d)
Scene Five: Three years ago, in a parking lot that would later become Plazmacore.

(COLLARBONE speaks to DR. BEAUTIFUL, who writes down what they say on a clipboard.)

COLLARBONE
We want to build the center in a place where people need air conditioning. So       we can give the people           air conditioning. We want the people to have air conditioning. When the sun tries to murder them all summer, they need air       conditioning. Our plasma center can provide air conditioning and temporary financial relief in exchange for plasma             That is a good deal. And we need to get them money for food. Because people in this neighborhood don’t have         food.                Have you ever experienced hunger? The people in this neighborhood experience hunger every day. I didn’t grow up in this neighborhood, or this city, but    I admire their courage. Their suffering teaches me to be a better human.            As I investigated this place, a young person came to me and said: “Prithee sir, canst thou spare a dime or dollar for my family and I to eat?” And unto him I said: “I’ll do you one better, small child. I shall build you a plasma donation center. And you’ll never go hungry again.” We are building this center in a place where the people need money. Where there’s no money, there’s                 violence. And we don’t want that, because                       violence is                   bad.     I am                a nice               person. But I understand if you want to kill me. I have created so many problems for you and yours. So if you must, kill me.              If the plasma center goes here, and people make more money, then we can save them from their           predicament.               Besides!          Everyone needs seventy five dollars. Even me. Seventy five dollars is        a lot of money. And we’re doing it for a good cause. Plasma            is a good cause. When someone is bleeding out, or when someone has been burned alive, or when someone is in shock, or when someone is immunocompromised, or when someone can’t clot their own fluids, or when they’re at death’s door after an accident left them decapitated with their neck hole gushing blood…             That person needs plasma to survive too. I am not being paid to say this. I really believe in this. We are doing the right thing              by building a plasma center here.

(DR. BEAUTIFUL thumbs up.)

SCENE VI

STERNUM
Scene Six. Yesterday, in a different apartment complex across town. Sternum still wears that winter coat but it’s too hot now.

(STERNUM strips to short shorts and a tanktop.)

DEL
Sternum and Del are smoking outside.

STERNUM
Working in a plasma center during another heatwave is nice because we have air conditioning.

DEL
Nobody has central cooling around here.

STERNUM
It never got hot enough.

DEL
It’s nice at Plazmacore, cause I know that I’ll be cold at work. Even though I can’t sleep much cause it’s so fucking hot.

STERNUM
You doing your donation later?

DEL
Did it yesterday so no. You?

STERNUM
Yeah. Not sure where to go though. I want a first-time spot cause they have better deals.

DEL
BioBlood does eighty on your first donation.

STERNUM
I’ll check that out.

DEL
My boyfriend got pig lung.

STERNUM
Oh shit. I’m sorry. 

DEL
Thanks. He’s isolating now till he tests negative. He got a really bad cough. With the pig wheezing. He’s vaccinated though. It could’ve been a lot worse.

STERNUM
Are you negative?

DEL
Wouldn’t be with you if I wasn’t.

STERNUM
Six people I know have it.

DEL
Yeah, man. Probably half the custies have it. You don’t see any of them in masks. They’re carrying it inside for all of us to breathe in. We’re lucky.

STERNUM
Lucky.

DEL
Yeah dude. We don’t have pig lung when we’re in environments that have them a lot. That means we’re lucky.

STERNUM
Don’t act like you’re better than rawdogging the air once a week. You went to the club around the corner for wine Wednesday. I saw you.

DEL
Yeah yeah.      They’re opening up another Plazmacore. North Valley. 

STERNUM
Bad investment. You see how many folks go to the San Mateo one.

DEL
Money’s tight up there now too.

STERNUM
It’s tight everywhere, to different degrees. If the folks up there are broke now, they at least have more likelihood of knowing someone who has more money than them. They don’t need that center.

DEL
Everyone needs a living wage.

STERNUM
You know the other definition for wage is to carry on a campaign. Like in war.

DEL
The government is already busy doing that. You don’t need to get on that train if you’re not getting metaphorically drafted.

(DEL coughs. They cough again. They cough a few more times.)

STERNUM
Say I get in a wreck and lose all the blood I need to live. I’m out of options. You’re given the option to donate plasma that would go directly to me, and you would get a bonus off of that donation. You make what most plasma is worth, say $200 in that one donation. You’re exhausted after cause they take so much. But they get it to me late, and I die from bleeding out. You’re alive, and I’m dead. Did you still do the right thing?

DEL
It’s not about the right thing. You’re only given so many options.

STERNUM
You’re not answering my question. It’s too wet now.

(STERNUM puts on galoshes and a rain jacket.)

DEL
I don’t think your question is good. It’s not about the right and the wrong answer. It’s about who can ask those questions in the first place. Not everyone can intellectualize what they’re going through: they’re too busy living it. It’s like pulling the air out of your chest while you’re breathing it.

SCENE VII

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Scene Seven: the same time as scene four.

COLLARBONE
But it feels real this time.

REENA
Reena is in the intake office at Plazmacore.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Thank you again for choosing to donate plasma at Plazmacore. With your help, we can provide life saving medical treatments to those who need them most.

COLLARBONE
I’ll be asking your intake questions.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
And I’ll help, whatever you need, really.

COLLARBONE
Please refer to your clipboard for the intake questions. 

DR. BEAUTIFUL
I follow my own script, thank you thank you thank you very much.

REENA
Can I ask one question before we start?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Absolutely, yes, please do.

REENA
Are you a doctor?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
I am the center medical director. Collarbone here is a part of my medical team here at Plazmacore, and we are here to take care of you.

REENA
But your name is Dr. Beautiful.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
We have a few routine questions we’ll be asking you, please answer them truthfully, if you lie, we will find out and you’ll be banned from donating plasma here at Plazmacore. Are you or have you ever been a man who has had sex with other men?

COLLARBONE
Do you currently have any symptoms of H1N1, the virus that causes Swine Flu? 

REENA
Can we go back to the start?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Thank you again for choosing to donate plasma at Plazmacore. With your help, we can provide life saving medical treatments to those who need them most.

COLLARBONE
I’ll be asking your intake questions.

REENA
Now ask me about my donation frequency.

SIDEWINDER
I’m waiting for the simulacrum to reveal itself                      stop.

(DR. BEAUTIFUL and collarbone COLLARBONE freeze, squealing like new machines being strangled and forced into an alien function. SIDEWINDER cracks a beer for themself. Throughout the next scene, they make SWEETHEART’s cocktail with care.)

SCENE VIII

SWEETHEART
Scene Eight: the same day, at Sweetheart’s bar.

SIDEWINDER
Pulmonary embolism              It’s when a blood clot gets stuck in an artery in the lung. Sometimes it’s caused by clots in the legs, or other parts of the body.

Which is deep vein thrombosis. It’s a common diagnosis usually associated with fatness but the research is bogus                      Most of it is hereditary.

SWEETHEART
( … )

SIDEWINDER
It can go unnoticed for several years              doctors tend to tell fat folks to lose weight instead of doing an intake.

SWEETHEART
Yeah.

SIDEWINDER
You’re not listening.

SWEETHEART
I don’t want to talk about work when we’re having our time together.

SIDEWINDER
I was excited to share what I knew with you.

SWEETHEART
It feels like we’ve been distant from each other. The last few months. You come home, you don’t come over. When we spend time together, you only talk about your exams.

SIDEWINDER
They take up all my brain space.
You’ve been distant too         

SWEETHEART
I’m working all the time.

SWEETHEART
It makes sense             but we don’t have to let it fester.

SIDEWINDER
You and your festering. We don’t have to constantly talk about every single relationship issue. Stop taking everything so personally and let it go.

SWEETHEART
But you can dump all of your work information on me         without asking.

SIDEWINDER
I was sharing something I was excited about. You only share something if you want to find a solution. Not everything needs to be solved.

SWEETHEART
But you realize that I’ve been the one to communicate whenever there’s an issue.
You’re sitting around              shrugging your shoulders and saying, “Whatever, babe.”
And acting like I’m unreasonable.

SIDEWINDER
It isn’t a big deal though. When you need to define, and name, and dig, and pull apart every single thing there’s no room for either of us to be imperfect. That’s why I keep to myself. Everything costs too much, even the time we spend together.

SWEETHEART
You see the double standard.
You can say whatever you want         I have to do the dirty work.
I’m the person wanting more for myself.

REENA
I need my scene back!

(SIDEWINDER and SWEETHEART watch and drink.)
(DR. BEAUTIFUL, COLLARBONE, and REENA unfreeze.)

COLLARBONE
Have you ever been a woman who has sex with men who have sex with other men?

REENA
No.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
You’re sure.

REENA
I’m sure.

COLLARBONE
You’re not lying.

REENA
Go faster. Talk to the audience.

(DR. BEAUTIFUL and COLLARBONE shout the questions at the audience rapidfire. REENA conducts them like a symphony.)

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Have you ever lived with a person who has hepatitis?

COLLARBONE
Gotten a tattoo or had it touched up?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Had an ear or body piercing?

COLLARBONE
Been treated for syphilis or gonorrhea?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Been in juvenile detention, lockup, or prison for more than 72 hours?

COLLARBONE
Did you ever travel to the United Kingdom between the years 1980 and 1996?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Have you ever received money or drugs in exchange for sex?

COLLARBONE
Had problems with your heart?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
With your lungs.

COLLARBONE
With your liver.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Any chronic illness?

COLLARBONE
Did you know that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?

DR. BEAUTIFUL
I did not know that!

COLLARBONE
Yeah, I’m glad I went for a second opinion before my surgery.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Do you like anal?

COLLARBONE
In this economy it’s ass only for me, big guy.

(COLLARBONE and DR. BEAUTIFUL laugh in unison but it’s more like a scream.)

SWEETHEART
Our turn!

(COLLARBONE and DR. BEAUTIFUL freeze.)
(SWEETHEART and SIDEWINDER are back, REENA joins them.)

SIDEWINDER
I don’t always want to share everything about myself. You ask so many questions and I don’t always want to share. You always want more, more, more from me. When I do share, you always seem to be tired, or you half-listen, or you pick apart what I say, so there’s no point in sharing.

SWEETHEART
Because I want to know more about you, the person, not you, as only attached to your job
We used to do that more         now we don’t              We’re working at work and we’re working at home                         I want to talk about our vacation         
I want to take shots                 I want to dream about the kind of popsicles we’re going to eat to cool down at the edge of that desert lake you don’t like.
I don’t want this                      I’m taking you on.

SIDEWINDER
Everyone needs a break.

SWEETHEART
Yeah. We can. But we have to work at it.

(SOMETHING BREAKS between them       like glass.)

REENA
Did you hear that?

SIDEWINDER
No.

SWEETHEART
Does it have to be this way?

SIDEWINDER
No.

SWEETHEART
I don’t know               how.

REENA
Boooooooo.

SIDEWINDER
I don’t know how to live my life in a different way.

SWEETHEART
We haven’t practiced it          We can start now.

SIDEWINDER
I’m sorry.

SWEETHEART
I’m sorry too.

SIDEWINDER
At least we don’t have pig lung.

SWEETHEART
At least we have a swamp cooler.

SIDEWINDER
Or something.

REENA
Waiting for the simulacrum to reveal itself.

(We’re back to DR. BEAUTIFUL, COLLARBONE, and REENA.)

COLLARBONE
Your iron levels are low so you can’t donate today and as such, you won’t get reimbursed. I would suggest eating some fish and drinking orange juice before you come back, and hitting the gym a little bit before you donate. Take this piece of paper and read it. It has some instructions on how to get your iron levels back up. And now, I require sustenance.

(COLLARBONE, DR. BEAUTIFUL, and STERNUM enter.)
(They each carry a pitcher full of blood.)
(They pour blood in each other’s mouths suggestively.)
(They gargle the blood.)

SCENE IX

REENA
Scene Nine: a few minutes later, outside Plazmacore.

DEL
Del is outside, smoking a cigarette.

(DEL is snorting. They’re very sick.)

REENA
Can I have one? I’ll give you a buck for it.

DEL
I wouldn’t. I have (snort) pig lung. Keep your distance.

REENA
Sorry.

DEL
I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m out in (snort) public. My boyfriend got it, I tested negative for like five days. Then on the sixth day (snort) I got it. Can’t come into work for seven days.

REENA
Why are you out here?

DEL
I don’t have sick time saved up cause (snort) I’ve only been working here a couple months. So, I’m gonna mask up and try to get a (snort) donation out of it. I’ll be sleeping the next week in any case, might as well get funds out of it (snort)       You must’ve gotten the low iron lecture.

REENA
You can tell.

DEL
Yeah you don’t have a bandaid (snort) And you were only in there for fifteen minutes. I wasn’t watching you in particular. I come out here to take a break every hour or so. I hydrate and smoke. One balances out the other (snort) Most people are in there for forty-five minutes to an hour. Some are only in there for twenty minutes, like you. They must have told you that you weren’t able to donate. They did that with me before I worked there. I was a regular (snort)   I want to go home. As in, where I grew up. As in, the Northwest. The desert sucks the water out of my skin.       I’m not used to places without water. All I want is hydration now. I like the feeling of drinking the water and then sucking all that water out of my body with cigarettes. That’s what I imagine it does inside my body. I’m not a doctor, I don’t know what it really does (snort)    Me and my boyfriend are going to live. But he’s not doing so hot (snort)                       I called him the other day and he could hardly talk. A week off work sucks though, dude (snort)                  Did you know that one human lung is worth $272,000.

REENA
You could live with only one lung.

DEL
That’s the lung of someone who doesn’t (snort) smoke. Vape, cigarettes, weed, whatever. I wonder how much it is without that.

REENA
Do you want to die?

DEL
No. But I think about what it would feel like. To have relief from responsibility and the fear that, at any given moment                                      The fear of watching my family take on the burdens I’ve had, and that they won’t have rest (snort) Ever. That there’s nothing I could do to get us out of the hole we would be in. That their children would be in. That I was in as a child, and that despite all the work I’ve done, nothing will come of it.

REENA
Of course you would feel that way. That’s all you’ve been taught to feel.

DEL
It doesn’t ever get better.

REENA
( … )

DEL
What we really need is for the rich people to give up their (snort) money.

REENA
Yeah. It’s about the resources.

DEL
Are you not angry all the time?

(REENA looks at DEL with the face of someone who has told the same story twenty thousand times over and just can’t do it another fucking time so swallows it.)

(///)

SCENE X

(STERNUM enters.)

STERNUM
Scene ten. Sternum joins Reena and Del’s conversation.

REENA
They all drink water.

STERNUM
I want to play a game. The game is called which anxiety keeps me from sleeping. Is it: pig lung, dehydration, or climate change anxiety that keeps me up at night.

REENA
It’s all three. Game, set, match.

STERNUM
And the prize to be won is…

DEL
(snort) A little blue ribbon.

STERNUM
I want to worry about one thing at a time. Today it’s going to be pig lung. Tomorrow, I’ll figure something else out.

DEL
My boyfriend’s been (snort) coughing a lot recently. I’m already positive. But you’ll be fine. Keep your distance from me and you’ll be okay. I know that my (snort) behavior affects you. I don’t want you to get pig lung. Even if it’s not intentional, the impact remains the same.

(DEL stops themselves.)
(They suddenly have an awareness that they’ve done this before.)

DEL
What day is it?

REENA
(What day it is that ends in “y”)

DEL
I feel that my hair has grown. And (snort) that I’ve learned more about myself. But it feels like that happened two months ago (snort) Or last year.

REENA
You’re just realizing that?

DEL
(snort) No. I’ve felt it. If I took the time to stop and think about it, I don’t think I could’ve…

STERNUM
Could’ve what.

DEL
(snort) (snort)

(SIDEWINDER and SWEETHEART enter.)
(They wear vacation outfits.)

SCENE XI

REENA
Scene Eleven: [today’s date, time] the sun is trying to murder us.

SWEETHEART
I drink purple gatorade, my tongue is stained blue.

SIDEWINDER
There’s a pack of Newport Menthols in my purse that I’m saving for after this.

REENA
The queerdos are each sat at plasma collection machines.

SWEETHEART
They’ve already been talking             for several minutes.

SIDEWINDER
Life happens around them, but they are present with each other.      I’ve decided where I want to go.

SWEETHEART
Tell us.

REENA
Remember to pick somewhere without water, you don’t like water.

SIDEWINDER
It’s not the water that’s the problem, it’s the elephant graveyard of rocks that bake in the sun all day and burn my feet while I’m trying to sun myself. I want to go to the Florida panhandle.

REENA
What the actual fuck.

SWEETHEART
The beaches, dude      The beaches.

REENA
I fucking hate Florida.

SIDEWINDER
I’m not talking about all the sandy beaches, I’m talking about those swamps with all the deep clear waters. With the big trees, their roots are all in the water, and you can jump in and it’s warm. And there’s the sound of Herons and Cormorants.

SWEETHEART
But                  the mosquitos.

SIDEWINDER
I thought you would appreciate my idea.

SWEETHEART
You know how much I hate anything with                more than four legs.

SIDEWINDER
Stop lying, I saw you take a spider in your hands and let it loose outside because you didn’t want to kill it.

SWEETHEART
That’s because                        I’m a kind-hearted person.

REENA
You step on as many roaches as you can find. You make a game out of killing cockroaches.

SWEETHEART
Cockroaches are invasive pests          spiders are good for the environment and create a balanced ecosystem        There are flying roaches in Florida though. Still want to go?

SIDEWINDER
Yes I do. And I want to bring beer, and fruit salad, and fucking dried mangos.

REENA
There are alligators in Florida.

SIDEWINDER
Nothing wrong with a little bit of danger while you swim.

SWEETHEART
So                    you don’t want to go.

REENA
How will we get there.

SIDEWINDER
You have PTO, use it.

REENA
And what vehicle will we use.

SWEETHEART
My car can handle it               It’ll be her last hurrah before she dies.

REENA
I’ll go, but I’m gonna be cooling down in the car while the two of you frolic. I’m not getting obliterated by the environment. I want a vacation, not an obstacle course full of alligators and flying roaches and mosquitoes.

(COLLARBONE and DR. BEAUTIFUL enter.)
(They are both weeping.)

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Dr. Beautiful unplugs the queerdos from their plasma collection machines.

COLLARBONE
Collarbone hands them debit cards.               I have your money here. But I want you to know that money doesn’t buy happiness. You must find happiness in yourself. Self-love is the only way to do it. Love yourself. I love you. I love you so much. I would die for you.

DR. BEAUTIFUL
Thank you so much. We don’t know what we’d do without you. Take your money and go. You deserve it. I love you so much. You are doing God’s work. Thank you for donating your plasma. You are saving the children.

(THE QUEERDOS exit.)
(DR. BEAUTIFUL and COLLARBONE cry in each other’s arms.)
(Suddenly, they stop. They look at one another.)
(THEY EAT EACH OTHER’S FACES OFF.)

SCENE XII

SWEETHEART
Scene Twelve. Tomorrow. Somewhere at the edge of a large body of water. This scene takes a very long time.

REENA
How does the water feel?

SWEETHEART
Enveloping.

SIDEWINDER
Comforting.

REENA
I was going to go with “cold”.

SIDEWINDER
That works too.

SWEETHEART
How long will the sun shine for?

REENA
Until nine. And then it’s back behind the clouds.

SWEETHEART
Then what will we do.

SIDEWINDER
We drive home.

REENA
What about tomorrow.

SWEETHEART
What about tomorrow?

SIDEWINDER
I don’t want to think about anything but the water and the sun.

REENA
Alright, we won’t talk about tomorrow.

SIDEWINDER
So we’re never going to Florida.

SWEETHEART
Absolutely not.

(We hear the birds call around them.)
(The sun shines in the sky.)
(The water laps against their ankles.)
(We listen to these sounds for a few beats.)

SCENE XIII

(STERNUM enters. They wear galoshes, a rain coat, a winter coat, and short shorts                      like a lemming shoved into a parka.)

STERNUM
Scene Thirteen. Sternum is alone for the first time
         (snort)
I used to fall asleep behind the wheel            I had sleep apnea        I drifted off once driving home, into oncoming traffic          it was a two lane highway, a garbage truck honked their horn and woke me                I spun the wheel and ended in a driveway    
         (snort)
I still have recurring nightmares of crashing, of becoming flesh gum in an engine  flying through the windshield, landing in front of the car and being sucked up into the hood           
My bones become jelly           my face twists and snaps       
         (snort)
my blood merges with the oil
I become the car         I’m steel, and lymph, and mucous      there is a memorial for me, and they have none of my parts             I’m an organ donor, they told me I was honorable 
My father was an organ donor            my mother was an organ donor
         (snort) 
There are medical records of all the tests I took in exchange for rent money           and still, after every test, I buy myself an apple fritter           it’s what my Dad did                    to replenish the blood sugar that was lost to the machine                  red lumpy doughnut                scarlet ropes            sweet sugary sticky.

(End of play.)